Bittersweet

my little girl during her birthday weekend

My milk supply is going and it's a bittersweet time. Naima just turned 2 over the weekend. She still nurses at night but during the day, she is busy being a busy toddler. She has started school and goes for about 2.5-3 hours in the morning. She also does not drink milk anymore when she naps in the afternoon. However, when I come home from work, she still nurses - even if she just ate a snack. But I think that this session is more for comfort because she missed me during the day :).

I have been dropping pumps and now do only 1 session a day. Still, the milk I get is more than enough for Naima's needs - which is why by the end of this year, I am hoping to completely stop pumping at work.

What don't I miss about pumping? As I started dropping pumps, I've stopped watching the clock. I've also lessened the bottles and pump parts I bring to work daily. I've also started to enjoy a longer lunch break (no more quick eating to squeeze in pumping time!).

However, I miss the feeling of being the only source of nutrition for my little girl. She has become little miss independent and seems to need me less and less. Pumping has become part of my daily routine that I feel that my day isn't complete without the pumping session. Plus, I feel guilty about not being able to store milk for the day (although Naima never drank my frozen milk and I just ended up donating the milk I stored from my work day).

Naima's yaya told me that for the past week, Naima doesn't drink milk anymore when we are separated. She waits until I get home before she starts asking for milk. I still have lots of milk stored in the refrigerator and freezer. Since I stopped my early morning pump, I haven't been able to leave freshly expressed milk for Naima. So yaya has started to use the refrigerated milk. But she tells me that it's always a battle for Naima to drink the milk I leave.

One more thing that’s stopping me (aside from mommy guilt) is the requests for donations I get. So far, I have always donated milk to moms who have yet to produce milk. Lately though, I’ve started turning away some moms because, I simply do not have enough milk to give. But with Naima refusing to drink expressed milk, I think it’s about time I wean from the pump.

I have 3 pumps (1 for work, 1 for home and 1 for traveling) and they’ve been my very good friends these past 2 years. I’m very happy with my pumps performance but I won’t be sad to see them go. I initially just wanted to reach 6months of breastfeeding Naima – here we are, still nursing at 2. But I’m definitely looking forward to the end of this year when I can finally drop that last pump of the day, comfortably and without regrets.